:: Running from the Thought Police ::

Reality-Based Thoughts, Ruminations, and Unsolicited Opinions of a University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign student alumnus and employee.
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:: Sunday, January 25, 2004 ::

I'm So Proud ::Tear::

One of the guys on the floor sent everyone this email:
Message: RESUME of
George W. Bush
The White House, USA


I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in
1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol.

I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's
license suspended for 30 days.

My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is


I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went

I refused to take a drug test or answer any
questions about my drug use.

By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was
able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.


I graduated from Yale University with a low C

I was a cheerleader.


I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

I began my career in the oil business in
Texas, in 1975.

I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any
oil in Texas.

The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold
all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in
a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer

With the help of my father and our right-wing
friends in the oil industry
(including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected
governor of Texas.


I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power
and oil companies, making
Texas the most polluted state in the Union.

During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles
the most smog-ridden city in America.

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury
to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions by any
governor in Ameri can history.

With the help of my brother, the governor of
Florida,and my father's appointments to the
Supreme Court,I became President after losing by
over 500,000 votes.


I am the first President in U.S. history to enter
office with a criminal record.

I invaded and occupied two countries at a
continuing cost of over one billion dollars per

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively
bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual
deficit in U.S. history.

I set an economic record for most private
bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures
in a 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop
the history of the U.S. stock market.

In my first year in office, over 2 million
Americans lost their jobs
and that trend continues every month.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are
the richest of any administration in U.S.
history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza
Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I set the record for most campaign
fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.

I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder
for receiving the most corporate campaign

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and
one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided
over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in
U.S. History, Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and
corporate attorneys to assure my success with
U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

I have protected my friends at Enron and
Halliburton against investigation
or prosecution. More time and money was
spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair
than has been spent investigating one
of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in
U.S.history and refused to intervene when
corruption involving the oil industry was

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted
criminals to be awarded government contracts.

I appointed more convicted criminals to
administration than any President in
U.S. history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security,
the largest bureaucracy in the
history of the United States government.

I've broken more international treaties than
any President in U.S. history.

I am the first President in U.S. history to have
the United Nations remove the U.S. from the
Human Rights Commission.

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S.
"prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have
refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse
United Nations election inspectors (during the
2002 U.S. election).

I set the record for fewest number of press conferences
of any President since the advent of television.

I set the the all-time record for most days on
vacation in any one-year period.

After taking off the entire month of August, I
presided over the worst security failure in U.S.

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after
the World Trade Center attacks and less than a
year later made the U.S. the most hated country
in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in

I have set the all-time record for most people
worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public
venues (15 million people),shattering the record
for protest against any person in the history of

I am t he first President in U.S. history to
order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the
military occupation of asovereign nation. I
did so against the will of the United Nations,
the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans
and support a cut in duty benefits for active
duty troops and their families --in war time.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about
our reasons for attacking Iraq, then blamed the
lies on our British friends.

I am the first President in history to have a
majority of Europeans (71%)
view my "presidency as the biggest threat to
world peace and security." this is an actual
quote by the mayor of London, Ken Livingston.

I am supporting development of a nuclear
"Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.

I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring
Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein to justice.


All records of my tenure as governor o f Texas
are now in my father's library, sealed and
unavailable for public view.

All records of SEC investigations into my
insider trading and my bankrupt companies are
sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or
my Vice-President, attended regarding public
energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public review.



While I oppose spam, I have no compunctions against posting this on my website. It's been going round the net for a while, I know, but it's still good (and apparently it's been updated since the last time I came across it.)

:: The Squire 11:03 PM :: email this post :: ::


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