:: Running from the Thought Police ::

:: Tuesday, August 30, 2005 ::

Great Women Don't Go Greek

After making fools of themselves last year by showing that they don't know how to transliterate English to Greek (hint: Sigma is an S, not an E), the Panhellenic Council's slogan for the 2005 Fall Recruitment/Indoctrination season is "Great Women Go Greek." Rubbish, you say? That's exactly what I thought. Great women don't go greek. This should be fairly obvious, but let's break it down.

First off, great women don't need to pay money to have friends. They should be fully capable of forming their own social groups. (Side story: one sorority girl, when denying this point to my sister, said that she liked how she'd always have someone willing to go with her wherever she went. My sister remarked, "Oh, so you're paying for an escort service!" That girl never talked to my sister again.)

Great women are capable of being individuals. The girls who can't stand to be alone in high school, and the girls who need to fit in with the latest fashions, styles, slang, etc. are the ones who go straight into sororities. This is what the pledges get during their Indoctrination weekend: they all have to wear their identical t-shirts, carry their identical baggies/folders, sing the same house songs, and then be collectively force-marched through campus while wearing formal wear and high heels. While there is much to be said for the bonding experience obtained through collective suffering, this last point seems enough to weed out all the women who aren't absolutely desperate for acceptance and belonging. Then again, such women are very seldom great.

Great women can handle being socially independent. Great women do realize, though, that there is a time and a place for conformity, such as the military, where their conformity furthers a recognized public good.

Great women don't look down on guys who aren't in frats. Just because a male isn't interested in drinking his body weight in beer every weekend shouldn't make him inelligible in the dating sphere. (By the way, I do have a girlfriend, who isn't in the Greek system, so this rant is not the result of any recent bout of bitterness.)

Great women think that a service project consists of more than just standing around shaking change in a can.

Great women wear things other than slutwear when going out on weekends. More generally, great women do not spend large amounts of time objectifying their bodies so that they can get drunk frat guys to give them beer for free. I realize that many non-sorority women engage in the same behavior, but they, too, are not likely to be great. Great women also wear things other than slutwear to class.

[Added 1405, 30 August -ed.] On the subject of slutwear, great women aren't surprized when they're told that wearing "short jean skirts and tight white shirts, ripped just enough to flash their red, lace bras" while "gyrat[ing]on chairs, on the floor and on each other while a crowd of men, many of them drunk, laugh and cheer them on" isn't appropriate. Great women also are not outraged when someone says that they're acting like prostitutes when they are, well, acting like prostitutes.

If you're a young, impressionable freshman woman thinking of pledging this upcoming labor day weekend, my advice is to find something better to do. You'll actually be able to get homework done this weekend, keep your fancy clothes in the closet (where they generally belong freshman year), and maintain your individuality. You'll thank me later, when you actually are a great woman.

(And if you've noticed some non-great things sororities do that I've missed, feel free to drop me a line. Be civil, but truthful - the normal comments policy still applies.)

:: The Squire 12:07 AM :: email this post :: ::
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